My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
