I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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