Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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