He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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