You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
