my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
