way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
