My nipple is on Facebook.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
