Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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