paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
