I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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