No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize