The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
do nipples grow back?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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