Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
