guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.