Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.