Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
