There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Vodka?
Forever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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