dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
