No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
