8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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