I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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