Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
