i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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