i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
