I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
PANTIES FOUND
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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