He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
