The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
