ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
