Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
