I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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