I seem to have left my pride at pride
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
