I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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