Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
