I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
