She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
