sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
