is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
