i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
