Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
