You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
