Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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