I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
