Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
