so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
