I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
