Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
