yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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