I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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