Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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