I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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