So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
