You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
