you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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