I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
