she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
