look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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