even my farts smell like vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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