i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ttyl tear gas
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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