I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.