Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
