She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.