I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.