Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.