If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...