I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize