I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
