those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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