I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
