my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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