Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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