i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's blow job season.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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