help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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